Rules of Acquisition

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Revision as of 04:04, 6 August 2010

Official Rules

RULES OF ACQUISITION OF THE FERENGI ALLIANCE
Ferengi Commerce Authority

1. Once you have their money, you never give it back.
2. The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
4. A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
5. If you can't break a contract, bend it.
6. Never let family stand in the way of opportunity.
7. Always keep your ears open.
8. Small print leads to large risk.
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10. Greed is eternal.
11. Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.
12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
14. Anything stolen is pure profit.
15. Keep your family close. Keep your latinum closer.
16. A deal is a deal--until a better one comes along.
17. A contract is a contract is a contract--but only between Ferengi.
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
20. Only give money to people you know you can steal from.
21. Never place friendship before profit.
22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
23. Money can never replace dignity.
24. Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.
25. There's always a way out.
26. As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
27. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
28. Morality is always defined by those in power.
29. What's in it for me?
30. Talk is cheap. Synthehol costs money.
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.
32. Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects.
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34. War is good for business.
35. Peace is good for business.
36. You could afford your ship without your government--if it weren't for the government.
37. If it's free, take it and worry about hidden costs later.
38. Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers.
39. Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.
40. She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.
41. Profit is its own reward.
42. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too.
43. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon.
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.
45. Ambition knows no family.
46. Make your shop easy to find.
47. Never trust anyone whose suit is nicer than your own.
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
49. Everything is worth something to somebody.
50. Gratitude can bring on generosity.
51. Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so.
52. Never ask when you can take.
53. Sell first. Ask questions later.
54. Never buy anything you can't sell.
55. Always sell at the highest possible profit.
56. Pursue profit. Women come later.
57. Good customers are as rare as latinum--treasure them.
58. There is no substitute for success.
59. Free advice is seldom cheap.
60. Keep your lies consistent.
61. Never buy what can be stolen.
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
63. Power without profit is like a ship without an engine.
64. Don't talk shop. Talk shopping.
65. Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
66. Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved, if they ask for it.
67. Anyone asking to be relieved is not crazy and must be forced to serve.
68. Ear stroking will get you anything.
69. Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
70. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise.
72. Never trust your customers.
73. If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
74. Knowledge equals profit.
75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.
76. Every once in a while declare peace.
77. It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
78. When the going gets tough, the tough change the rules.
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
84. A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
87. Learn the customer's weaknesses so you can better take advantage of him.
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do with your profits.
92. There are many paths to profit.
93. Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
94. Females and finances don't mix.
95. Expand or die.
96. For every rule, there is an equal and opposite rule.
97. Enough is never enough.
98. Every man has his price.
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.
100. If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much.
101. The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody.
102. Nature decays, but latinum is forever.
103. Sleep can interfere with opportunity.
104. Faith moves mountains--of inventory.
105. Don't trust anyone who trusts you.
106. There is no honor in poverty.
107. A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
111. Treat people in your debt like family--exploit them ruthlessly.
112. Never sleep with the boss' sister.
115. The best contract always has a lot of fine print.
116. There's always a catch.
119. Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet.
121. Everything is for sale, even friendship.
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
125. You can't make a deal if you're dead.
126. Count it.
127. Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.
135. Never trust a beneficiary.
138. Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder.
139. Wives serve; brothers inherit.
141. Only fools pay retail.
142. There's no such thing as an unfair advantage.
143. Risk is part of the game--play it for all it's worth.
144. There's nothing wrong with charity--as long as it winds up in your pocket.
146. Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father.
148. Opportunity waits for no one.
152. A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know.
153. Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
162. Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
164. Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else's.
168. Whisper your way to success.
169. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
171. Blood is thicker than water, and latinum is thicker than both.
172. Chances aren't what they used to be.
173. If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it.
177. Know your enemies, but do business with them always.
180. Never offer a confession when a bribe will do.
181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
186. Borrow on a handshake. Lend in writing.
187. Never bet on a race you haven't fixed.
188. A fool and his money is the best customer.
189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
190. Hear all; trust nothing.
191. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
192. Never cheat a Klingon--unless you're sure you can get away with it.
194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
200. If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.
201. A friend in need is a customer in the making.
202. The justification of profit is profit.
203. New customers are like razor-backed Greeworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!
204. It takes a Ferengi to cheat a Ferengi.
208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.
209. Give someone a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you lose a steady customer.
211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success--don't hesitate to step on them.
214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
215. Instinct without opportunity is useless.
216. Never gamble with an empath.
217. You can't free a fish from water.
218. Always know what you're buying.
219. Possession is 11/10 of the law.
221. Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes.
222. Knowledge is power.
223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.
231. There's a sucker born every minute; be sure you're the first to find each one.
236. You can't buy fate.
239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
242. More is good. All is better.
253. Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse.
255. A wife is a luxury. A smart accountant is a necessity.
256. Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score.
260. Life's not fair. How else would you turn a profit?
261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
262. A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.
265. The customer is always right (until you get his cash).
266. When in doubt, lie.
267. If you believe it, they believe it.
270. In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.
273. Never trust a hardworking employee.
277. Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from.
278. Rules are always subject to change.
279. Rules are always subject to interpretation.
281. Blood is thicker than water but harder to sell.
282. Business is like war. It's important to recognize the winner.
284. Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.
286. When Morn leaves, it's all over.
287. A good deed is its own reward.
299. Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them.